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Ask Abigail - How to pick a good man

How to pick a good man

The Question:

I’ve received a lot of questions about guys and how to pick a good one. This got me to thinking. Should girls have a “list” when looking for a man?

Lindsey’s Thoughts:

Lindsey is my sister. #automicallyawesome. She dates. #shespeaksfromexperience. And she is a nurse and a wise observer of life. Her thoughts:

Don’t make up someone in your head. If you do, it will leave you disappointed every time. It also creates unfair expectations for someone to live up to.

Carrie’s Thoughts:

Carrie is an award winning young adult author. She is also a great friend, mother, and seriously wise woman. Here are her thoughts:

Turn it around. Would you like for guys to have a list? What would you feel like if they did?

Lists are fun, but I wouldn't put too much stock into them. They say more about you than about the type of guy you'd like to be with.

Abigail’s Thoughts:

First and foremost I feel we have to define what a “list” really means. To one girl, the list could entail a super specific list that includes bullet points such as:

- Must love dogs. A lot of them. Specifically small dogs that are stuffed in a designer purses…that he buys me. Especially Prada.

- Must have one brown eye…and one green. #exotic

- Must be 6”1 so that I can wear my favorite pumps and still look up to him. Literally.

However to another girl a “list” could simply entail a list of qualities that she wants to find in a man. So, I think that a super specific list will leave you…single. But defining a list of qualities you want to find a man seems like an important step in picking a man.

Kelly’s Thoughts:

Kelly is my sister. #winning. She is a teacher and married her High School sweetheart and has an incredible marriage. #listenup. Kelly agreed with what I had to say and expanded upon the idea. Her thoughts:

It’s important to distinguish between character traits and circumstantial traits that can be fleeting. Ex: don’t list specific jobs you would want your man to have. The job or income can change in an instant. However, maybe you want to find a man who is a hard worker. This hard working man might still be in school or be working his way up at his job. It’s not smart to cut him out as a candidate because of this.

Here are some qualities you may want to include in your list:

- He cares for others. (Does he ask questions to others more than he talks about himself? Does he serve other people?)

- He that treats you with respect. (Do you feel better or worse about yourself after being with him? Does he tear you down or lift you up when you are in a group setting?)

- Their fundamental beliefs match yours. (Do you have differing views on things that make up the core of your being? Such as your religion?)

- He has a mature view of honesty. (He doesn’t paint an image of himself that’s different than who he really is. He is wise and shows discretion with what he shares. He isn’t afraid to challenge you in a productive way instead of just telling you what you want to hear.)

- Being with him makes you a better version of yourself.

We hope that these words help comfort you, challenge you, and remind you that you aren’t alone.

Need advice?

Email me: questions@askabigail.com

Tweet me: @heyabigailgals #askabigail

Remember we can’t do it alone,


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